My whole working day is about desire. Desire to be wanted, desire to be had! Desire to experience something new sexually. Desire to fulfill a need that is kept hidden. Desire to be ones self, in a world where one might be unable to normally. Those desires are not mine. They are the desires of the men that call and cam me. The desires they want me to indulge, their fantasy’s being realized without judgement or question. To be open with who they are sexually. Often I am the only other person who knows those fantasy’s. I am their desired escapism. I am some ways that is great for me and a compliment. In others I feel sad for them being only able to engage with the dreams in an unreal realm online or over the phone.
My desire (in the work situation) is a lot more practical. It revolves around me to making money and to have a bit of fun doing it. Not to have to work full-time, but to be in control of how and when I work. It works for me and I’m happy doing it.
Desire is such a strong word. It evokes people’s soul. On a deep level. It’s a driven word. Selfish and sexual I think (well in the context of what I do it is) It can mean people losing themselves or becoming focused. It’s so subjective and emotional. In the right way desire can push for good, be positive and beautiful. But it has a bad side where it can cause destruction, harm and greed. Trust me I have heard enough stories over the past two yrs to say that!